Finances

One aspect of adoption that a lot of people don't go too far into depth about is the overwhelming costs.  Having children, in general, is expensive.  But, when a couple decides to grow their family through adoption, it is unbelievably costly.  We are quite fortunate that my husband's job in the military qualifies us for a couple programs to help defray some of the costs, but it's almost laughable.  My heart goes out to those families who have to pay for the entire cost of adoption on their own.  My rant today focuses mostly on our situation as a military couple trying to adopt.

What frustrates me so much is that the military will pay for almost 100% of the costs of having a biological child.  Which is fantastic!  BUT, and here's the big but, they do not cover any costs for fertility assistance to couples who are having difficulty conceiving and still trying to have biological children.  Sure, it's a good medical program, but they do not cover the "extras" that a good portion of families out there need help with.  Additionally, the military contributes a measly $2,500 per child in reimbursement to active duty personnel AFTER your adoption is FINALIZED.  The additional kicker is that they will only pay up to $3,500 if a family hopes to adopt multiple children.  TOTAL.  That's it!  Even domestic adoptions cost way more than that!  So, if a family is expected to pay upwards of $100,000 towards adopting two children, the military will contribute no more than $3,500 or 3.5% -- outrageous!  Yet the military will pay 100% of all costs for a family who has biological children.... so if you want to have 10 bio kids, then great for you because the military will be happy to fork over 100% of your costs!

The military also has some ridiculous FREE "medical" programs out there right now.  For instance, for active duty women who desire to have breast augmentations, the military has a program for you!  Yes, the military will gladly pay for a boob job for a woman in the military if it is deemed that it is necessary for her "morale" -- are you kidding me?!!!  Yet, if that same woman wanted to adopt children, she's SOL.  Talk about priorities here!  And, yes, there are also tax credits that we can qualify for, but, really....  Tax credits?  Tax credits don't mean much to a waiting child in an orphanage who just needs a loving home and family!  

Granted, we are very fortunate and, in no means, am I trying to bash our government or military.  I am merely venting my frustration at the inequalities that exists in OUR world as a military family.  I am very blessed that our health care insurance and medical will be very supportive of our family and our needs once everything is finalized, but the road to get there is not going to be easy.

Had  I known that this was going to be our path, I would've started saving my pennies and loose change years ago!  Like many adoptive families, we are not millionaires.  We are comfortable, but not wealthy by any means.  Do I wish we had a nice $50,000 - $100,000 to burn?  You betcha!  I am determined.  It just means John and I need to get creative.  I was sitting here the other day brainstorming ideas on how we could raise some money without totally draining ourselves or putting ourselves dangerously in debt and I had flashbacks to my childhood.  I remembered going door-to-door selling candies, cookies, and other random things and also having my extended family members assist me in fundraising!  I think I always did pretty well (though, I think my mom bought a good bunch of the stuff, too!) but I don't think what I raised back in the day would even put a dent in what we need to make this happen.  It's daunting to say the least, but I am determined.

What's a Hapa Keiki?

In the Hawaiian culture, the word "keiki" means child or children.  The word "hapa" has several meanings.  It is a term that describes someone of a mixed cultural heritage and was historically applied to individuals of part caucasian descent.  Hapa also means "half" or "a part of something" when translated.  This word applies to our family and our future children in a number of different ways.

Yes, we hope to adopt children that are of a multi-ethnic background, particularly Asian and Caucasian.  Thus, our children would be hapa babies!  But, on a deeper level, however, we hope that our children see themselves as hapa in terms of their cultural identification.  Being Americans, we plan to instill in our children love, honor, and respect for our wonderful country.  We also want our children to know their roots - to understand that they are special, to know their country of birth, to understand & perpetuate their cultural heritage as best as reasonably possible, and to be proud of their uniqueness.  In our case, we would want our children to identify as both American AND Kazakh.

Adopted children enter our lives through love & determination.  Yet even after they are "ours" they are not COMPLETELY ours.  They will forever have a part of them that belongs to their birth parents.  It is simply reality that their hearts & minds will someday wonder about the circumstances of their birth and why they were given up for adoption.  No matter what we do as parents to help ease this for them, this will undoubtedly -- be it in a small or big way -- be a part of our children's reality.  I am okay with this.  I understand this.  I respect this.  I plan to be there to do whatever it takes to help them get through this very sensitive aspect of adoption.

Why Kazakhstan?

When people learn of our desire to adopt, we get a lot of questions - some nice, some rude, some awkward/random - and, without a doubt, the topic that seems to generate the most curiosity (maybe even controversy) is the matter of us wanting to adopt from Kazakhstan.  "Why Kazakhstan?!" is the general response.

I respond to this question in various ways, depending mainly on the person inquiring and how well I know them.  There are many reasons, really.  But here are a few big ones:

-I'm multi-ethnic (mix of Asian, Hawaiian, & caucasian).  John is caucasian.

-We would prefer a child that can relate to us on a deep level as well as physically.

-Kazakhstan is a VERY culturally diverse country; mostly Eurasian in ethnic background.

-The Kazakh people are beautiful and their culture is intriguing.

-Kazakhstan's adoption program is regarded as relatively reliable with shorter wait times.

-Orphanages & medical care in Kazakhstan are considerably better than most internationally.

-Kazakh orphans are generally in good health & are often better-cared for.

-The network of adoptive Kazakhstan families in the US seems close-knit & supportive.

And, then, this begs the follow-up question of "why not just adopt here in the US?"  Well, we are open to adopting in the US, but there are many reasons why adopting domestically wouldn't be as desirable or affordable as most think.  Reasons why:

-We would prefer children of Asian & Caucasian mix.

-It is RARE to find Asian-Caucasian mixed children to adopt in the US.

-The more picky you are in the US, the longer your wait time.

-While less expensive in general, all the domestic adoption fees do add up!

-If we do a private adoption, most birth families expect the adoptive parents to pay for medical and doctors visits during pregnancy, rent, maternity clothing, food, random living expenses, possibly personal financial compensation, and all the hospital bills.  Even after all of this, the birth family can still change their mind and we would be SOL.

-It's risky to pay all this money, with no guarantees & unknown wait times.

-There's almost as many requirements to adopt domestically as internationally.

-The possibility of direct influence/interference by birth family on our child in the future really scares me.

I don't think we are closed-off about adopting domestically or from another country.  But, we are definitely focusing on Kaz adoption because it meets almost all of what we are looking for in our adoption experience.  Adoption is a special journey that very few are able to take part in.  It is one that should not be taken lightly or rushed into.  We consider ourselves to be smart, thoughtful, reasonable people and this is the program that, after much analysis, fits us and our life goals.  So, that's why! :)

The Journey Begins

I'm starting this blog to chronicle our journey towards growing our family through adoption.  We are at the very beginning of this adventure -- learning as much as we can about adoption (both domestically and internationally); starting the process of picking an agency; and most importantly, we are trying to figure out the finances to make it all happen.  We have a long road ahead of us and hope that you will join us on what is sure to be one heck of a ride!

We are so fortunate to have you - our wonderful family, friends, and supporters - to help us and encourage us through this new chapter in our lives.  This journey will be one filled with challenges and milestones.  And I believe in my heart that it is meant to be!

No matter how hard things may get, no matter how many tests we may face, I can promise you -- our future babies -- that I will NOT give up!  I have never felt so strongly about something as I do about finding you!  While I don't know where you are and I cannot see your face... I know you're out there!  I know that one day we will be together!  Words cannot express how much love I have for you in my heart already.  Today is the day that we begin our journey to find you! :)